Karate Kid Remake: There use to be a time where there were original movies, now we settle for watching the same movie.

Hollywood will churn out another remake this summer starring Jackie Chan and Will Smith Jr.

I will attempt to rate this movie right now.........1 star

Now as long as they don't make a remake of "The Goonies" all should be well in the world.

"Girl It's Allright" you got Steven Seagal to hold you tight!

Having trouble finding an Xmas gift for that special someone? Looking for a soundtrack to make love to? Are you still living in a Seagal-less world? You've watched Above the Law and Under Siege over and over, and just can't seem to get enough? Well Look No Further Holiday Shoppers!! After protecting polar bears and Eskimos in Alsaka Steven Seagal, the mojo priest, the reincarnated white Buddhist, Chuck Norris's sensai, is 'out for justice' in "Songs from the Crystal Cave." 'Crystal Cave,' a reference to Seagal's brief stint with crystal meth, provided much of the inspiration and creative drive for this album. The album is an instant classic that stirs a 'fire down below!' Now you may be skeptical, I was too at first. I never thought anything could top Seagal's Oscar-worthy movie career. I was wrong!

In addition to the sexy time songs Seagal also manages to add some reggae/dancehall grooves with some help from his rasta brothers from "Marked For Death." "Lollipop" is a rip roaring reggae smash track with Seagal at his highest singing "my lollipop, you make my heart go giddy up, giddy up."

I had the pleasure of first listening to "Songs from the Crystal Cave" after accidentally locking myself in my father's basement. It was around lunchtime, and I was famished for food. As the hours waned on I continued to hunger for some sort of substance. It was music!! I looked through my dad's Cd's, and next to the soundtrack of "Young Guns II" was Seagal's "Songs from the Crystal Cave." Needless to say my life has never been the same since. It's an inspirational album, and highly recommended as an uplifting gift for the holidays. They come in bundles so why not pass them out to the whole family this Xmas, and watch the look on their faces. That's one gift that's going to be 'hard to kill!'

She-Ra: Princess of Power or just He-man's hot twin sister

"For the honor of Grayskull----I AM SHE-RA!!" Adoras is just your normal girl from Etheria. Nobody really cares about her, because she's boring, average, and flat-chested, like her twin brother Adam. But once she utters a few magic words, and flips her hair back SHABAM!! From Adora the average to She-Ra the seductive!! Sporting a gold tiara, a skin fitting white body suit, and an above knee length skirt She-Ra definitely ranks high on the cartoon hottie list (ranking higher than Teela for sure). With a catchy 70's disco-esque theme song, and characters like Kowl (a half koala half owl acid trip) it's hard not to enjoy that which is She-Ra. Besides the obvious reasons to take interest in the Princess of Power let's take a deeper look at what made She-Ra a classic cartoon.

She-Ra, though a flashier flamboyant knock off of He-man, is an example of everything done right in a cartoon. Defender of the Crystal Castle, She-Ra brings justice to the people of Etheria, and classic sword and sorcery devastation to the evil Horde. Just like He-man and other 80's cartoons like The Thundercats, She-Ra had it all: action, compassion, swords, sorcery, moral dilemmas, life lessons, and just pure fun fantasy. Episodes included a "Where's Loo-kee?" segment, where children were encouraged to find the creature in a scene. At the end of each episode, Lookee would show up with a positive message for kids. You see it hooked kids in with some 'i spy' and then sprung the positive message on them. Inspiring messages and life lessons from cartoons like that definitely need to make a return. So far the only recent themed cartoon I have seen is the "Star Wars: Clone Wars" series, where they have little bits of Lucas wisdom at the beginning of every episode.

Unfortunately She-Ra and many classic 80's cartoons were cancelled, and crap like "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" to the recent "Total Drama Action" have been the general trend of cartoons lately. We can only hope that one day cartoonists will make a return to the classic cartoon heydays of the 80's.

Oh and due to cup size requirements Jessica Biel or Scarlett Johansson should play She-Ra in the live action movie.

Whatever the risk! This kill crazy fiend from Hell must be destroyed!!: B-movie gold "Trog"

"Trog awakens to vent its murderous rath on YOU!" "Whatever the risk this kill crazy fiend from HELL must be destroyed!" Oh! Poor Joan Crawford. She sure picked a winner for her final big screen role. The beloved story of "Trog" begins with three young men exploring a cave they have found, and within that cave is a stream or river of sorts, which leads to another part of the cave. After two of these young men strip to their skivvies and wade in up to their chests, one never returns, as he's encountered SOMETHING in the cave that attacks and kills him (some unintentional homoerotic dialogue throughout the beginning makes it that much more enjoyable). While the other young man is heavily sedated after rescue, and the third one, well, he really isn't sure what happened because he didn't want to get wet. But somehow the third guy gets hooked up with noted anthropologist, Dr. Brockton (Crawford) and manages to take her down into this previously unexplored cave via a different route than he and his colleagues had chosen before, presumably so her designer caving outfit won't get wet. Crawford plays it straight throughout the whole movie which makes it even more ridiculous. Suprisingly, they find another cave and a hole through which Crawford is able to photograph a troglodyte which is ready to hurl a paper mache boulder. Of course, this picture is treated as a joke and scoffed at by haughty people that know better, but eventually this creature is flushed out of the cave where he goes berserk and throws more paper mache boulders, and Joan gets her "hypo-gun" and shoots the thing and brings it back to her laboratory. There, she wins its confidence by feeding it rubber lizards and eventually, she's exploring the link between prehistoric man and modern man by showing this thing how to wind up dolls and roll a ball. Unfortunately, rolling a ball is also a favorite game of a neighbor's German Shepherd who intervenes at that point and pays with its life.


This is also where the movie plays on a bit of morality; whether it's right or wrong to bring back a prehistoric man. This is probably Joan's failed attempt at another Oscar.



Unfortunately, Local big-mouth Sam Murdock (Michael Gough) is not happy that this thing is around and has killed, and chooses to sabotage Miss Crawford's efforts by letting it loose. Rampage, unintentional hilarity, and classic monster-antics ensue all leading up to Trog kidnapping a young girl, and Joan having to "hypo-gun" the Hell out of her beloved Trog.



Overall this is an amazing movie if you like campy B horror movies. It’s hard to decide which is my favorite part: the ridiculous scenes where Crawford tries to teach Trog to play with toy robots and dolls, Trog's agitated reaction to hearing rock'n'roll, or Trog battling with a German Shepherd. Each of these sequences is absurd. The silliest part is probably an excruciatingly long and cheesy animated dinosaur battle which makes Gumby look like "Jurassic Park!" Trog is one of those movies that the script, cast of characters, and monster antics are so silly and crazy that it has been firmly placed in the "so bad it's good" category for me.

Classic Trog Moments

• Trog's main method of killing: throwing paper mache boulders at people.
• Joan supplies Trog with a diet of rubber lizards.
• How watching dinosaurs teaches Trog to talk.
• Joan Crawford: "Music has charms which sooth the savage beast"
• Joan Crawford: "Tina! Bring me my axe"
• Joan Crawford: "Malcom! Get me my hypo-gun - quickly!"
• Joan Crawford's nipples can clearly be seen in numerous shots.
• That "Trog" came out on DVD.